The Lord works in the lives of His children in ways that are contrary to the sensibilities of this world and this life. It makes no sense to those who are not His, and often times confuses those who are. Once a person has received His grace and been declared righteous and justified by placing their faith in Christ and the redemptive power of His finished work as the only means of salvation from sin, God gets to work transforming them from the inside out.
From a purely experiential standpoint, it seems that it would be better for the child of God to be immediately removed from this life of sin and taken directly to be in the presence of the Lord in the realm in which He tangibly occupies. But that is not the case. We remain, for a two-fold purpose. One reason is because we are God's primary chosen instrument for reaching the lost during this present age. He chooses to work through us to bring others to faith, for reasons which are truly His alone. The other, and I think principle reason, is to conform us to the image of Christ. Christ emptied Himself during His first advent on earth. He had no home during His ministry. He gave Himself for others. He spoke truth and experienced rejection. He suffered and He died. While we do not have a mission to die for the salvation of humanity, we are called to be like our Savior, and we are promised to experience a degree of His experience. We are to expect it, and to teach otherwise is not in alignment with the New Covenant.
I don't claim to have experienced true suffering in this life; not compared to my brothers and sisters around the world. But I have experienced a series of what the world might consider failures that have taken me in unexpected directions. Additionally, my wife has experienced many health conditions over the years that have also impacted our lives in substantial ways. As a Christian, I recognize that the Lord opens and closes doors in the lives of His children, and directs them according to His plans and purposes. I have learned many lessons from these experiences, including the need to surrender my hopes, dreams, expectations, plans, and purposes to Him. I have also learned not to rely on my own power, strength, abilities, or force of will. And I am in a lifelong journey of learning to die to self; which I don't think will end until my present life does.
I have said to people before that I am not in control, I cannot and should not be in control, and I should not want to be in control. I have also learned that I need to accept that I may not ever understand in this life the entirety of God's workings in my life. For some, the assurance that they will understand one day brings them hope; for me, it has been revealed that even that hope is something I need to release to Him. My only hope is to trust that He has promised to work out His plan and that at some point yet future to me as time currently works, His work in my life will be finished, will be good, and I will be glorified with my Savior. He has promised, I must hold fast to His Word, and that is to be enough.
Some would say that God allows painful things to happen in our lives in order to grow, stretch, and test us, etc. I believe this is true, but I also believe, based upon His Word, that it goes beyond this. He intends, purposes, and designs things that cause challenges, difficulties, and what some would even call sufferings to happen in the lives of those He loves. While this concept may seem cruel to those of the world, and even uncharacteristic or unthinkable to some Believers, it is Biblical. Why? Well, first of all, we experience these things because of sin; it is a natural consequence. But beyond that, we are being conformed to the image of our Savior. He experienced these things; if we are to be made like Him, we must as well. God knows this. But it is not suffering without reason or purpose. It is for our future glory. As Paul said, "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." (Romans 8:18, NKJV)
I have experienced a series of events over the years, which the world might consider, and I have sometimes felt, are setbacks or failures. In reality, they have been a series of redirections, or closed doors, that the Lord has used to direct my life and teach me lessons. A little over nine years ago, he brought me to the end of myself. I was broken of my will, and realized my inability and futility of desire to control my life. He has kept me in a continual state of dependence and reliance upon Him ever since. To be sure, He was active in shaping me before. But He has been active in new ways since; ways that required brokenness.
The process started before; first with closing the door on the life I was convinced I was called to live in vocational service to Him. It is a difficult thing to be given spiritual gifts and to know one's calling and purpose, and to have the door of opportunity to exercise such capacity closed so forcefully. And to continue to have the door closed time and again since. But, in the end, it is His kingdom, and His Church, and His work, and His timing. His will be done. And only He knows what the future holds.
As I said, the breaking process started before its culmination nine years ago, and has continued since; but that point nine years ago was the climax. The continuous closed doors that I have experienced since have only been reinforcements of the message, and reminders of my need for dependence and reliance upon Him. It can be frustrating to continually be frustrated. But who knows what one might be being protected from? And it certainly keeps one humble. Pride has a hard time taking root when apparent, earthly results continuously elude, and when what is achieved is clearly God's doing.
I plan to share more of my story one day, when the time is right. But for now, it is enough to share these thoughts, as they have recently been reinforced for me again, in the knowledge that I am not alone in my experiences. And if anyone reading this has or is experiencing something similar, know that there is purpose, and that you are not alone. I don't know yet what the future holds, or if my experience of continual, earthly frustrations and closed doors will ever change. But that is part of the point. If it never does, I need to be content in the knowledge that I am in His will. And to be otherwise, even if it were to equate to what the world or even some Christians might consider to be success or achievement, would only be a false imitation of the real.
Grace and peace.
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